early return :[

now that the flight has officially been booked i can actually write this post.

last week i found out that i need surgery. its not life-threatening, but it needs to happen sooner rather than later. after taking into consideration the price of doing it over here without insurance and the recovery time, i have decided that the best option is go home for it. this means that i will not be finishing out my contract and staying here until the end of september and then traveling until middle of december, but will be leaving in three weeks.

i was starting to get homesick and was missing a lot of things (hence previous post), but as soon as even the possibility of going home now came up, i immediately knew that missing those things was rather trivial and that i was not ready to leave. the numbers are now playing mind games with me. i dont know why it matters so much, wanting to be away for at least a year. i mean, 10 months is only 2 shy of a year, but when i think about coming home now rather than october or december, it feels a lot more like i just got here. funny how that works.

what i miss.

***note. i wrote this last week with intentions of posting today. there have been recent developments that kind of make my feelings about this change, and i will post about them next.***

9 months ago today, i left the states. im 75% through with the initial year away i had intended. as ive been talking to more people who have just recently gotten to thailand, i find that im frequently being asked about things i miss most from back home. around thanksgiving i made a post about what i missed at that time, but the things that make the list now are very different. i think that as time has gone on, i have become more used to what is available here that serve as near 'substitutes.' for example, though its still really hard to find real juice, they have things that are close. for what is on this list, nothing similar exists to fill in temporarily.

1. bagels. lightly toasted with lox and cream cheese, tomato and onion. o man i cant explain how badly i want this. in fact, mom, this is what i would like you to greet me with at the airport, whenever that day arrives.

2. pickles. dill pickles to be specific. most people who know me know how much i love them, and there arent any kinds of pickles here, or anything close to the pickled taste even, to satisfy this craving.

3. turkey. i never realized that this was a bird that asia doesnt have. you think chicken is close enough to turkey, but when you cant get turkey you realize how different they actually are. and when i dont eat ham or most other sandwich meats, lack of turkey is noticeable (not that i really get to eat sandwiches to miss this, but still).

4. my clothes. im so sick of everything i have over here. and it doesnt help that most of it is stained, ripped, or otherwise ruined by the heat.

5. looking nice to go out. the heat here makes it pointless to even worry about this one.

6. dc nightlife. no explanation needed.

7. crabs. they have seafood out here, but all the marylanders know nothing else is the same. (though thanks mr winer i do have a small container of old bay which i use on pad thai and in tuna, hehe).

8. driving. i thought that driving so much in high school and college had made me hate driving forever. now that i havent been able to have control over my own transportation for so long, im finding i actually do miss it. especially in the summer when the weathers nice and theres fun music to blare.

of course there are other things i get occasional pangs for. at one point i really wanted pretzels. recently the only thing that i wanted was a watermelon jolly rancher, and they are currently on their way from the states :] i miss wearing heels, but at this point im so used to open-toed shoes every single day that i dont know how i would adjust back to that....or most of western culture, come to think of it.

catch up.

i was going to go ahead and write separate blog posts for everything that has happened since i arrived back from phuket, but if i try to attempt that, i will NEVER get caught up to where my real life is. so this is going to just be a jumbled mess of basically the last month.

so we arrived back at school, and though a week late, went right back into the routine. it turns out that this semester, each grade only has 3 classes rather than 4. this means a few things. first, when they separated the kids into the groups, they did a better job, so now my p#/1s are amazingly good at everything (essentially honors students) and my p#/3s are basically special education classes. i dont mean that in a negative way, its just the way it is, especially p3/3. id say over half the kids in that class have learning disabilities, but thai school systems do not recognize such disorders and just push everyone through together (remember, they cant fail). needless to say, that class has been quite a challenge. also, it means that the classes are a lot bigger. rather than the low 20s, now each class has well over 30 and closer to 40 students in most cases. finally, it means less teaching hours a week for me (wooo!). as i see each class 2 times a week, i was teaching 24 classes last semester. this knocked out 6....but in order to get me teaching 20 hours a week the school tacked on two kindergarten classes once a week each >:( the fact that it is literally only to make me teach 20 hours is blatantly obvious, as there is a separate teacher for kinder classes and she sees the classes twice a week and then i see two classes once a week each and steinar does as well. it throws off the whole consistency thing with the students, and makes planning difficult as we all have to work together. not to mention, teaching kinder kids is a completely different ball game. i definitely am not a fan.

giving me two random kindergarten classes was only the first thing the school changed this semester. they are trying to work to become...different. i leave it at that because i really have no idea what they are trying to accomplish, only can tell that they are working towards some kind of goal. things change daily, and most of these changes make little sense. for that, and a few other reasons, im kind of regretting staying at this school. my main reason was that i was reasonably happy here and used to it, and didnt want to have to learn a new routine. im learning a new routine anyway and not as happy as i was, and had i changed schools at least i could have been in a better location and making more money.

speaking of location.....i had been trying to move apartments since february. i wanted to be closer to the school, the center of town, and have internet at my place. i started communicating this wish to my 'agency' but was told that i couldnt move until april because apparently when i moved in i said for 6 months...which i know i didnt say. whatever. then in may every time i tried to have someone come out to help me find a new apartment, it never worked. by the time they would have been able to get here, it was middle of june, leaving me with just over 3 months, and i didnt see the point. so im not moving, im staying in my place without internet and walking a mile to school in a monsoon most mornings because, o yeah, now its rainy season in thailand. and thats no fun at all.

pictures of my luxury apartment, because i never posted them before.

hmmm, what else?

o, i had a birthday last month. i dont feel any older this year. im not sure if its because it hardly feels like i even had a birthday, as there are few people in this country who even know what day it falls on, because my outlook has changed, or because my life actually feels slightly suspended from reality. but i went with steph, lauren and stephen over to koh samet and had a nice, relaxed, birthday weekend.

to move off of the negative stuff....ive been meeting a lot of new people. since i wasnt getting any new teachers at my school and was not doing the course over, i wasnt really expecting to meet that many new people this semester. steph and i were planning on spending most weekends together on our own, which would have been fine, but its been nice meeting a new group of people too. there are two new ati groups, and because ive been really (i mean REALLY) into watching the world cup games and going out so much to see them, i have met a decent amount of other farangs living here as well. with each new person, the social circles expand. and while at the core there is pretty much always the general similarity of being english teachers, everyone out here comes from different places and has different experiences to share.

sorry there is such a depressing tone to this post. but hey, it shows everyone who keeps telling me that they are jealous of my life that even though im in thailand, life is still life. its not all buckets and beaches....though it does help to have those things there to turn to when life gets to be like this :]

back to the beginning: phuket

if i had known that i would be given that extra week off, i would have left hanoi a few days earlier and made it to laos as i had intended as part of that trip. i wouldnt have had to fly back and i would have been able to experience the tubing that all of my friends have raved about. but since i didnt know i went back to bangkok and couldnt leave the country again because the immigration offices were closed and therefore i couldnt get another reentry stamp.

on monday i headed over to stephs. on tuesday she found out that she would have the entire week off as well. by wednesday morning we were arriving in phuket town.

we stayed with a friend we met in chiang mai who is also a teacher and consequently met many other teachers as well. at one point, i was talking to one of them and mentioned that i went to maryland and he said "seems like there are a lot of you guys." i was confused because i hadnt met anyone from maryland at that point, but he said there were a few others teaching in phuket and even one who lived right next door. turns out that person was sid, ians friend who i had met briefly one night out in dc last summer when we had already both decided to teach in thailand for a year. cliche time, but seriously, small world.

steph and i took a day and went back down to nai harn. it was just as beautiful as we remember with the only significant change being that there were more chairs set up on the beach, which we guessed was because the high tourist season was just ending. we reminisced about our three weeks spent there and talked a lot about all the people from our group who we were missing. it was nostalgic and slightly sad to be there without everyone. but we discovered that it is still one of our favorite beaches in thailand and realized how lucky we were to start our time in this country in such a great location.

the most notable part of our trip back to phuket was a canoe trip that steph got us for free. on the first night there, while making a run to the convenience store, she met some thai guys who told her they worked giving canoe tours and told her she should go on one. she told that that shes a teacher and so she didnt have the money for that, but they said they would do it for free. so she exchanged numbers with them. later that night they called and asked when we would like to go, so she said friday would be good. they called agin the next day to confirm for friday and told us to meet them at tesco at 1030 the next morning.

we went a little earlier to have breakfast and decided to buy some apples fro the trip and to give to the guides since they were doing this for us for free. when steph got the call that they were on their way, she was then told "ok, we will see you soon. expect to be back around 11 tonight." that was when we realized we had gotten into much more than we were expecting. it was not an hour in a canoe that we were getting, but this.

we had two amazing gourmet meals on the boat and went around to 4 different caves, and in and out of lagoons. at points the top of the caves were so low we actually had to lay down completely in the kayak and our guide had to get out and push so that we could get through. the last cave we went to was the bat cave, named of course because it is full of bats. so.many.bats. also, because this cave was so dark, we were able to see glowing plankton, which is basically particles in the water that glow when they get disturbed. it was quite an amazing experience and had we known what to expect we may have taken a camera to get some quality pictures......but since we didnt have one with us, i took these offline to give you an idea :]

school year on pause.

aside from one exception, i didnt post on the political situation that was happening in thailand the last few months. it is largely due to the fact that while the serious stuff was happening, i was traveling. but its likely that even if i hadnt been, there wouldnt have been much that i could say that would have been worthwhile because it is so complicated and as a westerner living here, i cannot possibly comprehend everything.

i arrived back in thailand from vietnam on sunday, may 16, expecting to head into school the next day to start of the new school year. i found out when i got home that the next two days had been declared a 'national holiday' so that the government could try to gain control of the situation. this meant that all government businesses would be closed, including schools. since i work at a private school, they were able to determine their own plan of action, and they decided to cancel classes for the entire week.

it turned out that those two days the government was giving as holiday were meant to be used to 'get women, children, and the elderly out of the center of the city before the deadline,' which at first was set for monday, may 17 at 3pm and then pushed back to wednesday morning when it became obvious that people were still not leaving. steph and i found out through some of her teachers that this was because following that deadline, the military was basically going to just go in and open fire in order to disperse the group of protestors.

come wednesday, may 19, things got really bad. the military went in and gunfire was exchanged. buildings and businesses were set on fire. tear gas and rubber bullets set off. this 'war zone,' as it was call, lasted for about three days before the red shirt protest leaders started surrendering, bringing the situation to somewhat of a close.

for days i was checking twitter and the bangkok post every few minutes trying to stay up-to-the-minute on what was happening. there was a lot of chaos and confusion, which is still trying to be sorted. however in the grand scheme of things, everything could have been a lot worse. as time has passed, there have been many comments on how the government handled the situation, and this is what i found to be most notable: no other country would have allowed a protest of that magnitude to continue on and harm the economy to the extent that this one did for as long as it did.

world of backpacking.

its a world where you refer to people, not by names, but by the country or city they are from. where you can tell how long someone is planning on traveling by looking at the size of their backpack, or look at the state of their hair and tell how long they have been away. where one conversation can make you someones new best friend and travel partner for a week or more. where all the rules about what life and society expect from you back home are lost and the only things that matter are the new places you see and the new friends you make. plans go out the door along with all preconceived....expectations. you can lose yourself completely and yet somehow, you are able to find out more about yourself than ever before.

its addictive.

world of vietnam.

crossing into vietnam from cambodia, there wasn't really anything that struck me right from the beginning that set the country apart significantly from any of the others in southeast asia. however, after a bit of time, some differences did emerge.

its hard enough to find bread on its own in thailand, let alone any that is good, but the lingering french influence in vietnam means that street stalls are well stocked with supplies for making good baguette sandwiches and restaurants sell french baguettes on the side of all of their dishes. coffee shops are plentiful, and their coffee isnt just a cup of lukewarm milk with a pound of sugar and a splash of coffee flavoring, as it is in thailand. this is gooood coffee. they even have special little tin filters for each glass that is made. i found myself drinking at least a cup, and usually more that, of coffee each day, and even bought a few packs and the coffee maker to take back with me to thailand.

the famous food of vietnam is pho (pronounced 'fur'), which is a noodle soup. they eat that stuff any time of day. i tried some and liked it, but its not as flavorful as thailands noodle soup, so i was slightly disappointed. in fact, aside from the specialties in hoi an and the fresh spring rolls, i wasnt a huge fan of vietnamese food in general, and i definitely picked the right spot for asian food in choosing thailand. however on the other hand, vietnam does have a better variety of tastier western food than thailand, which was nice to get once in a while for a change.

coffee, bread, and western food might be better in vietnam, but unfortunately there is something which is the complete opposite. and thats the attitudes of the people. in thailand and cambodia, everyone was so incredibly friendly and anywhere we went we were greeted with smiles and found people willing to help us with anything we needed. that was not so here.

i dont say this just because we were robbed in nha trang. maybe its because we are american, but i have a feeling that was only a part of it. i heard from other, nonamerican travelers, that they had the same experience, with people generally just being inconsiderate and rude, not just to foreigners, but each other as well.

at one point while waiting for a bus to go to a different town, outside of the travel agency we heard a loud crash. it turned out that some type of large box had fallen from somewhere right onto the windshield of a car. more than 70 people were at the intersection, and for the first 15 minutes when the three injured people stepped out of the car, the driver with blood pouring down his face, no one did anything. in fact, it was meghan that ran over and gave the guy her sarong to try to stop the bleeding before he got onto a motorbike taxi to go to the hospital.

obviously there have been exceptions, and that story is just one example, but it sums up their attitudes pretty well. and i find it to be such a shame because the country is so beautiful and has so much to offer to visitors who really want to appreciate it all.

time in vietnams capital.

even though today it is the capital city of vietnam, hanoi is rather quaint and has a relaxed feeling about it, as it is built around a giant lake. its easy to walk everywhere, but difficult to navigate. at one corner, each street that comes off of it has a different name, but many streets (and businesses as a result of a lack of copyright law!) have the same name.

the small-town quality made it really easy to meet people, which was nice since the majority of my time in this town was spent in a hostel because meghan had left just two days after we arrived. but for being 'alone,' little of my time here was spent by myself. i stayed in a hostel, which automatically made it easy to make friends, and being one of the "backpackers" chain, it was almost all young people as well.

this meant that days, and often the late part of nights, were spent around the lake, just a short walk from our hostel. and the early parts of nights were spent on the top of the hostel for their happy hour, followed by a stop to the 'beer hoi' corner. a beer hoi is basically a street bar that sells a glass (wouldnt say it was quite a pint) of beer for just 4000 dong, which is about $0.25. this also means that everyone goes to these spots, and by 9 or 10 each night they are out of beer, so at that point we would move on to one of many different spots that are recommended for young backpackers that all have different specials running at different times so that everyone can find something they like.

no mom, i didnt spend my whole time in this city drunk.

while it seemed like i was in hanoi a long time (i arrived on a thursday and didnt leave until sunday morning a week later), i wasnt there that long because it was from hanoi that i left for sa pa, then came back and left again for ha long bay, before coming back again.

there were some interesting things to see in the city. the one that i was most interested in was the temple of literature, the first university of the country. when we were first given directions, they didnt understand where we wanted to go, and sent us to the temple that was in the center of the lake instead. this place was nice, but it was small and the only thing that made it special was its location.

when i finally got around to getting to the actual place, i was very impressed. i learned that in vietnam and most eastern cultures, the turtle is the symbol for learning, wisdom, and education (yay terps!) and that the stork is their symbol for strength. this meant that there were statues everywhere of the bird on the turtles backs, including sculpted into the bushes. but the coolest part was this one section that had many turtles and each turtle had a tablet on its back listing the names of graduates from the university.

unfortunately i didnt have my camera with me that day.

so i stole this picture from the internet.

hanoi was a good spot to end my trip, if it had to end at that time, for every aspect except for the fact that flying back to bangkok was double the price that it would have been to go from saigon. but flying back allowed me to stay until early in the morning of may 16, a day before i had to get back to 'normal' life.

ha long bay

another short trip i took while up north in hanoi was to ha long bay, which means "descending dragon bay." it is a unesco world heritage site and has 1969 (would not have wanted to have been the one to count these...) small islands, which are really limestone rock formations. the water is clear and in the center of the bay, the islands are very close together, making a very beautiful and unique landscape. the maze created by the islands also used to be useful when the site was a common grounds for battle against the chinese.

some of the islands.

i took an overnight cruise in the bay on a wooden ship. it included a visit to two caves, one of which was extremely big, and canoeing through some smaller ones. we had a good group, with almost everyone being young travelers, and we all stayed up late on the top deck of the boat. the second day it was rainy though, so there wasnt much happening except heading back to the harbor.

our boat.

view of the bay from the top of the cave.

inside the big cave.

saleswomen came right up to the boat.

sa pa

before i came to vietnam, i was told that one of the things i HAD to do was a trek in sa pa. as soon as i arrived, i figured out why.

after an overnight sleeper train, i arrived in lao cai, the town closest to sa pa. from there it was a long and winding bus trip to the top of the mountains where we would be meeting up with our final group and tour guide. our group was small, only 6 people: me, two sisters from lichtenstein (yeah apparently they exist!), a guy from serbia who had lived in the states for a few years, and two guys from belguim. quite a mix.

unfortunately, the group didnt get as close as on my last trek (but that was obviously a tough group to beat!) and that was a disappointment, but the trek was good and the scenery was amazing. how could i not be with rice fields and farms set amongst grassy mountains?

our group did a homestay with another group at a big house and the best part of the night was dinner. they cooked for us and it was pretty good food, but after that they shared with us "magic water" which was basically rice liquor. they made us all do shot after shot until all the bottles they had were gone. needless to say, by the time the rain started pouring on us at 11, we were all more than ready to head to bed.

got room for 20?

the second day was a lot more work, uphill most of the way, and because of the rain the night before it was kinda slippery. but once we got to the top, it was so worth it.

please ignore my face.

o, and every village we went through had many puppies. i got excited every time. my group started making fun of me, but just look at the face!!

puppah!