fluff piece

ive been home for nearly a month now. the surgery is over and im on my way to recovery. i have a few posts left to write about my last month in thailand and about how im feeling now that im home, but havent been able to get all my thoughts together into a coherent block of words that others would be able to understand. so today i reverted back to my old trick for inspiration and went on an internet search of some quotes to try to summarize my feelings. i have made some decent progress on my posts, but until that comes together i am just leaving some of the favorites i came upon.

"a ship is safe in harbor, but thats not what ships are for." - william shedd

"life is either a daring adventure or nothing at all. to keep our faces toward change and behave like free spirits in the presence of fate is strength undefeatable. - helen keller

"only those who will risk going too far can possibly find out how far one can go." - t.s. eliot

"do not lose hold of your dreams or aspirations. for if you do, you may still exist, but you will have ceased to live." - henry david thoreau

"if youre not living on the edge, youre taking up too much space." - anonymous

"live every moment in the present. do it. risk it. buy it if you love it. loving well takes practice, delicious practice. if it feels good, it must be good." - gael greene

"make your choice, adventurous stranger. strike the bell and bide the danger. or wonder til it drives you mad, what would have followed, if you had." - the magicians nephew, c.s. lewis

"live passionately, even if it kills you, because something is going to kill you anyway." - webb chiles

"if we all did the things we are capable of doing, we would literally astound ourselves." - thomas alva edison

"for everything you have missed, you have gained something else." - ralph waldo emerson

and the top 3 i am currently feeling from this bunch:

"life is full of choices, if you have the guts to go for it. thats why i get immediately bored with anyones complaining about how boring their life is, or how bad their town is. fucking leave and go somewhere else. or dont." - henry rollins

"things change, so do cities, people come into your life and they go. but its comforting to know that the ones you love are always there in your heart....and if youre very lucky, a plane ride away." - sex and the city, sarah jessica parker

"it is only when we truly know and understand that we have a limited time on earth and that we have no way of knowing when our time is up that we will begin to live each day to the fullest, as if it were the only one we had." - elizabeth kubler-ross

top 10 things i will miss.

i did a post about what i was missing from home before i knew i had to leave so soon. now that my days left are down to the single digits (?!!!!!?!?!?!?) i have made a new list about what i am really going to miss from thailand. and while the previous list was in no particular order, this one is.

10. motorbike taxis. at first i was terrified of them. but as time went on, i grew to love them. its exciting riding through the city, especially at night, with the wind blowing and flying passed otherwise stopped traffic. not to mention the thais get a kick out of seeing a farang on a motorbike as opposed to in a normal cab. i still wont try driving, but i will miss these rides greatly.

9. thai massages. its like going to a chiropractor and a masseuse at once. gets all the knots out and relaxes you (generally) at the same time. add in oil or beach setting for extra relaxation. all for between 100 and 300 baht (~$3-9).

8. buckets. its a bucket-o-liquor, i dont think this needs an explanation.

7. cheap cost of living. cheaper to go out to eat than make it at home, bargaining to pay $4 instead of $6 for a dress, getting angry when i have to pay 180 baht for my taxi ride because he went the wrong way and it should have been 140, even though the 180 is about what it would cost to get INTO a cab back home, beachfront bungalows for under $8. i dont know how im going to be able to live back in the states where they actually want me to pay more for a meal out than my budget here would give me for a week.

6. 7-elevens. i had no idea how big of a role this chain would play in my life over here. whether its because i am craving something a little more western, need some more credit for my phone, want a cheap drink for the road, need to break a big bill for the taxis, or just crave the aircon they blast and need an escape from the deathly heat of the streets, it would not be uncommon to go into one of these a few times a day...sometimes even the exact same store 4 or more times.

5. the beaches. the waves may not compare to the monsters of the atlantic, but the beauty and serenity they bring is just unbeatable.

4. the laid-back lifestyle. im accustomed to the fast-passed city life, and occasionally that meant that i was quite irritated with the way things go around here. their 'mai phen rai' attitude and thai time means that theres generally not a routine or schedule. it took some getting used to, but its actually been nice. i suppose this ties into the beaches as well though. who can be stressed when looking at a scene like that?

3. the kids. specifically, the twins, and a few select students. of course the infamous fifa, but also ploy and best for how their faces light up when they finally understand the difference between using 'it' and 'they.' may and even noon, though now she isnt even my student anymore, for how they run up to me in the halls whenever they see me to give me a hug or throw me a smile and wave if they are standing in line for assembly. peam and khamin for not only being so freaking cute, but for also being my saving graces in my 3/3 and offering answers when im sure everyone is sleeping. oo, bam, cd, max and pretty much all of my 3/1 class for just being so awesome and for the progress i have seen them make to the point where they can now start to joke around with me. and even tonson, the first student i had a one-on-one encounter with on my first day last semester, and consequently the first name i learned, even though now it is usually being screamed because he cant sit still or focused for more than 5 minutes.

2. thai food. ku teaow, ALL kinds of curries, som tam, tom yum, ka prao gai, fish cakes, pad thai and spring rolls from khaosan. however amazing you think it is back home, its 100 times better here. and its so.freaking.good. i thought that by now i would be sick of it, but just the thought of going home and being away from these things is making me miss them already.

1. the people i have met here. its cliche as anything, and ive said it so many times before, but this amazing experience i have had is in great part to the people i have been lucky enough to share it with. many of them have already left this part of the world, and have been missed dearly. and now, i must leave our already shrunken group, earlier than originally anticipated. but its not just the remainders from our group who i will miss, its all the new people i have met since may as well. not doing the course again i thought that my social circle would be limited and i would only have to say goodbye to a select few whenever the time came to leave, but that has been anything but what happened, so now im also missing out on time to let these new friendships grow. everyone here has made such a great impact on my life and im beyond sad to be having to say goodbye too soon.

what i miss.

***note. i wrote this last week with intentions of posting today. there have been recent developments that kind of make my feelings about this change, and i will post about them next.***

9 months ago today, i left the states. im 75% through with the initial year away i had intended. as ive been talking to more people who have just recently gotten to thailand, i find that im frequently being asked about things i miss most from back home. around thanksgiving i made a post about what i missed at that time, but the things that make the list now are very different. i think that as time has gone on, i have become more used to what is available here that serve as near 'substitutes.' for example, though its still really hard to find real juice, they have things that are close. for what is on this list, nothing similar exists to fill in temporarily.

1. bagels. lightly toasted with lox and cream cheese, tomato and onion. o man i cant explain how badly i want this. in fact, mom, this is what i would like you to greet me with at the airport, whenever that day arrives.

2. pickles. dill pickles to be specific. most people who know me know how much i love them, and there arent any kinds of pickles here, or anything close to the pickled taste even, to satisfy this craving.

3. turkey. i never realized that this was a bird that asia doesnt have. you think chicken is close enough to turkey, but when you cant get turkey you realize how different they actually are. and when i dont eat ham or most other sandwich meats, lack of turkey is noticeable (not that i really get to eat sandwiches to miss this, but still).

4. my clothes. im so sick of everything i have over here. and it doesnt help that most of it is stained, ripped, or otherwise ruined by the heat.

5. looking nice to go out. the heat here makes it pointless to even worry about this one.

6. dc nightlife. no explanation needed.

7. crabs. they have seafood out here, but all the marylanders know nothing else is the same. (though thanks mr winer i do have a small container of old bay which i use on pad thai and in tuna, hehe).

8. driving. i thought that driving so much in high school and college had made me hate driving forever. now that i havent been able to have control over my own transportation for so long, im finding i actually do miss it. especially in the summer when the weathers nice and theres fun music to blare.

of course there are other things i get occasional pangs for. at one point i really wanted pretzels. recently the only thing that i wanted was a watermelon jolly rancher, and they are currently on their way from the states :] i miss wearing heels, but at this point im so used to open-toed shoes every single day that i dont know how i would adjust back to that....or most of western culture, come to think of it.

catch up.

i was going to go ahead and write separate blog posts for everything that has happened since i arrived back from phuket, but if i try to attempt that, i will NEVER get caught up to where my real life is. so this is going to just be a jumbled mess of basically the last month.

so we arrived back at school, and though a week late, went right back into the routine. it turns out that this semester, each grade only has 3 classes rather than 4. this means a few things. first, when they separated the kids into the groups, they did a better job, so now my p#/1s are amazingly good at everything (essentially honors students) and my p#/3s are basically special education classes. i dont mean that in a negative way, its just the way it is, especially p3/3. id say over half the kids in that class have learning disabilities, but thai school systems do not recognize such disorders and just push everyone through together (remember, they cant fail). needless to say, that class has been quite a challenge. also, it means that the classes are a lot bigger. rather than the low 20s, now each class has well over 30 and closer to 40 students in most cases. finally, it means less teaching hours a week for me (wooo!). as i see each class 2 times a week, i was teaching 24 classes last semester. this knocked out 6....but in order to get me teaching 20 hours a week the school tacked on two kindergarten classes once a week each >:( the fact that it is literally only to make me teach 20 hours is blatantly obvious, as there is a separate teacher for kinder classes and she sees the classes twice a week and then i see two classes once a week each and steinar does as well. it throws off the whole consistency thing with the students, and makes planning difficult as we all have to work together. not to mention, teaching kinder kids is a completely different ball game. i definitely am not a fan.

giving me two random kindergarten classes was only the first thing the school changed this semester. they are trying to work to become...different. i leave it at that because i really have no idea what they are trying to accomplish, only can tell that they are working towards some kind of goal. things change daily, and most of these changes make little sense. for that, and a few other reasons, im kind of regretting staying at this school. my main reason was that i was reasonably happy here and used to it, and didnt want to have to learn a new routine. im learning a new routine anyway and not as happy as i was, and had i changed schools at least i could have been in a better location and making more money.

speaking of location.....i had been trying to move apartments since february. i wanted to be closer to the school, the center of town, and have internet at my place. i started communicating this wish to my 'agency' but was told that i couldnt move until april because apparently when i moved in i said for 6 months...which i know i didnt say. whatever. then in may every time i tried to have someone come out to help me find a new apartment, it never worked. by the time they would have been able to get here, it was middle of june, leaving me with just over 3 months, and i didnt see the point. so im not moving, im staying in my place without internet and walking a mile to school in a monsoon most mornings because, o yeah, now its rainy season in thailand. and thats no fun at all.

pictures of my luxury apartment, because i never posted them before.

hmmm, what else?

o, i had a birthday last month. i dont feel any older this year. im not sure if its because it hardly feels like i even had a birthday, as there are few people in this country who even know what day it falls on, because my outlook has changed, or because my life actually feels slightly suspended from reality. but i went with steph, lauren and stephen over to koh samet and had a nice, relaxed, birthday weekend.

to move off of the negative stuff....ive been meeting a lot of new people. since i wasnt getting any new teachers at my school and was not doing the course over, i wasnt really expecting to meet that many new people this semester. steph and i were planning on spending most weekends together on our own, which would have been fine, but its been nice meeting a new group of people too. there are two new ati groups, and because ive been really (i mean REALLY) into watching the world cup games and going out so much to see them, i have met a decent amount of other farangs living here as well. with each new person, the social circles expand. and while at the core there is pretty much always the general similarity of being english teachers, everyone out here comes from different places and has different experiences to share.

sorry there is such a depressing tone to this post. but hey, it shows everyone who keeps telling me that they are jealous of my life that even though im in thailand, life is still life. its not all buckets and beaches....though it does help to have those things there to turn to when life gets to be like this :]

world of backpacking.

its a world where you refer to people, not by names, but by the country or city they are from. where you can tell how long someone is planning on traveling by looking at the size of their backpack, or look at the state of their hair and tell how long they have been away. where one conversation can make you someones new best friend and travel partner for a week or more. where all the rules about what life and society expect from you back home are lost and the only things that matter are the new places you see and the new friends you make. plans go out the door along with all preconceived....expectations. you can lose yourself completely and yet somehow, you are able to find out more about yourself than ever before.

its addictive.

world of vietnam.

crossing into vietnam from cambodia, there wasn't really anything that struck me right from the beginning that set the country apart significantly from any of the others in southeast asia. however, after a bit of time, some differences did emerge.

its hard enough to find bread on its own in thailand, let alone any that is good, but the lingering french influence in vietnam means that street stalls are well stocked with supplies for making good baguette sandwiches and restaurants sell french baguettes on the side of all of their dishes. coffee shops are plentiful, and their coffee isnt just a cup of lukewarm milk with a pound of sugar and a splash of coffee flavoring, as it is in thailand. this is gooood coffee. they even have special little tin filters for each glass that is made. i found myself drinking at least a cup, and usually more that, of coffee each day, and even bought a few packs and the coffee maker to take back with me to thailand.

the famous food of vietnam is pho (pronounced 'fur'), which is a noodle soup. they eat that stuff any time of day. i tried some and liked it, but its not as flavorful as thailands noodle soup, so i was slightly disappointed. in fact, aside from the specialties in hoi an and the fresh spring rolls, i wasnt a huge fan of vietnamese food in general, and i definitely picked the right spot for asian food in choosing thailand. however on the other hand, vietnam does have a better variety of tastier western food than thailand, which was nice to get once in a while for a change.

coffee, bread, and western food might be better in vietnam, but unfortunately there is something which is the complete opposite. and thats the attitudes of the people. in thailand and cambodia, everyone was so incredibly friendly and anywhere we went we were greeted with smiles and found people willing to help us with anything we needed. that was not so here.

i dont say this just because we were robbed in nha trang. maybe its because we are american, but i have a feeling that was only a part of it. i heard from other, nonamerican travelers, that they had the same experience, with people generally just being inconsiderate and rude, not just to foreigners, but each other as well.

at one point while waiting for a bus to go to a different town, outside of the travel agency we heard a loud crash. it turned out that some type of large box had fallen from somewhere right onto the windshield of a car. more than 70 people were at the intersection, and for the first 15 minutes when the three injured people stepped out of the car, the driver with blood pouring down his face, no one did anything. in fact, it was meghan that ran over and gave the guy her sarong to try to stop the bleeding before he got onto a motorbike taxi to go to the hospital.

obviously there have been exceptions, and that story is just one example, but it sums up their attitudes pretty well. and i find it to be such a shame because the country is so beautiful and has so much to offer to visitors who really want to appreciate it all.

bus rides from hell.

if you ever travel in vietnam, DO NOT BOOK WITH TM BROTHERS!

the easiest way to travel this country is by purchasing an open bus ticket. its cheap and allows you to travel from the bottom to the top, or vice versa, on your own schedule, stopping where you choose. the standard stops (from bottom to top) are ho chi minh, mui ne, da lat, nha trang, hoi an, hue, and hanoi. the idea is that you take the sleeper buses at night and get as much time in each location as you can.

the first time we set out for our bus trip, we were going from saigon to nha trang. we wanted to leave at night on the 28th (of april, sorry im so behind in posting this!) but everything was booked, so we had to settle for the 8am bus the next day. we got up, checked out of our hotel, and went to the travel agency early in the morning. they kept telling us there was traffic but that the bus was on its way. by 930 we were getting really antsy, and shortly after bugging them a bit, we were finally told that the bus had already left. it wasnt that we missed it, it just 'forgot' to get us.

ok.

the agency we booked with felt really bad, and made sure to put us on the next bus at 8pm that night. so we hung around the city for one more day and were back at the agency at 730. unfortunately, two hours later we were still waiting. again, they continued to tell us that the bus was on its way, but after what had happened that morning, we were skeptical.

finally, the bus got there a little after 10. except it wasnt our bus. it was the bus that was going to take us to our bus, which was parked on the side of the highway about 20 minutes out of town. and so all of us switched onto said bus on the side of the highway and finally headed out of saigon.

we were given the back, which consists of 5 beds big enough only for a small asian person and therefor we were squished as could be. the air didnt turn off and we were on the top, which made for a very bumpy ride. but we got to nha trang the next morning and thought we would have a good beach day (see here to find out why we didnt).

but that wasnt our only bad trip.

the next night, we were scheduled to go from nha trang to hoi an on the 730 sleeper. again, at 930 we were still waiting. again, after 10 a bus came to get us. this was a HUGE improvement from our last bus, and we were quite excited to have a better journey than the night before.

but about a half hour after we pulled out, we came to a stop and were told to get off the bus and get our belongings. it was a small, dark road we were on in the middle of no where and it seemed like the makings of a horror film. but up head there was another bus that we were told we would be getting on instead. confused, we put our things in an lined up at the door, only to find that there were already people on that bus. they told us they had been stuck there for 5 hours because something was wrong with the bus.

rather than move those people onto our amazing bus and continue on, they sent our bus back to nha trang and expected us to use the broken down one to make it all the way to hoi an. i still havent figured out that logic.

but they changed a tire and we were back on the road. kinda. moving very slowly because apparently the tire was still bad. we went to a few different tire stores before i passed out, but when i woke up in the morning we were told it was still 8 hours away, and it was only suppose to be about a 10-12 hour trip. i have no idea what happened that night, but this bus, unlike the last, had NO aircon and therefor smelt like sweaty feet, because everyone im sure had sweaty feet amongst other body parts.

there are multiple companies that book these open bus tickets in vietnam. the two main ones are tm brothers and hanh cafe. the moral of this story is use hahn cafe.

robbed in nha trang.

were told about it all the time, in cities back in the states and while traveling alike. its not that we dont think it can happen to us, but its tricky to keep it in the front of your mind 24/7, especially when the majority of the time you are surrounded by people who, even though you have only recently met, are nothing short of amazing and who many times, you would trust with your life.*

but the truth is that tourists are targets for crime. and in a place where you can be looked at from miles away and stand out from the local population, it is even more true. add to that the fact that we were on a beach, during a local holiday, and its obvious that we had probably been watched from the time we stepped onto the sand.

i really did get lucky in that my purse was looted through and, unlike meghans, dropped about 30 meters from where it had been picked up. though all of the cash i had on me (in 4 different currencies!) was taken, my debit and credit cards were not touched. i lost my point-and-shoot camera, but i had luckily emptied the memory card onto my computer the night before and THANKFULLY it was not my slr i had on me. my phone was taken, but since ive left thailand it has really just been serving as a watch/alarm clock and its cheap enough to replace once i return to bangkok.

it could have been really bad. but my passport and work permit were looked at and left.** my bag also contained my glasses, which had my bag been the one carried off instead, would have disappeared as well. not to mention my note book in which i write down important information and notes about my days to later refer to when writing this blog.

the "tourist" police were no help. none of them spoke english and all they succeeded in doing was making us more angry and frustrated. in the end, we filed reports and had to buy them envelopes and stamps so they can ship us the information they gather during their investigation...which im sure will never happen.

we went back on the beach later and some friends told us they had spotted a group of guys who had been snatching things from all over the beach and meghan approached them. obviously it was no use, and they feigned not knowing english before getting really angry with her. after her confrontation, they dispersed, making it clear they had been guilty of something, even if it wasnt of thieving our bags.

its annoying and makes me think of the city of nha trang in a negative light, as that was literally my only experience there. but from now on i will definitely be even more careful about where my things are, especially when in the water.

*mom, im sure this is one of those times you think i am showing/acting my age.

**i wouldnt usually carry this on me, but as we did not have a hostel because we were only in town for the day, i felt safer having it on me than leaving it at the travel agency where we left our other bags.

world of cambodia.

this entire part of the world has economies that are unstable and lifestyles that seem outdated by centuries. the people have been through so much and live life trying to survive from day to day. this is even more so the case in cambodia, one of the poorest countries in the world and THE poorest in the region.

but the people here are amazingly friendly and helpful. they have somehow been able to overcome their tragic history, that is surprisingly recent, and work to make the most of their days and their lives. any negative interactions we did have with people were limited to the standard begging or plea to buy something, which was clearly a result of the poverty they are facing.

my days in cambodia were limited and i was only able to see the two main areas of most notable tourist sites. however, in the short time i was there, i saw and learned enough to make me want to go back for at least a month after teaching and volunteer, probably in an orphanage. so it is safe for me to say that my experience with this country is anything but over.